Because I can't stay within the 140-character limi See, I can't even complete this sentence.

Turning 30 didn’t really affect me as much as I thought it would, save for getting a tattoo, flying off to Europe, etc. You know, the usual. But every now and then, a realization stuns me to a point of paralysis. What is it? Some of my moms friends turned 30 when we were in Indonesia. And safe to say, as housewives of expats with kids, they are far, far, far different from where I am right now.

The horrors. What a generation makes.

No wonder Stanley Ho is worth billions. 

Array of fancy lights jutting out of the Casino buildings, constant dings from multiple slot machines and non-stop chatter of people as they hover over the velvet tables, hoping their luck would change of the night. Sin City of Asia, as they called it, will have you gaping at the sheer number of extravagance this piece of island has to offer. It could get mesmerizing, as people willingly fork over their cash, whether for a pile of chips or ridiculously-priced boutiques spread all over the city (or in our case, the mall). In the middle of the day. 

Ironic, really, considering this tiny island colony was once occupied by the Portuguese, whose influence is marked from the time you land. True, it is a modern, contemporary glass and steel building but it’s adorable to see Portuguese words alongside Chinese characters. But the true evidence of this heritage are found in downtown Macau. Quaint rows of preserved buildings serve as the structure for the shops and the go-to shopping destination (Senado Square). As you walk through the pebble stone sidewalks, block, after block, it reminds you of an old-world charm that almost makes you forget that another one of Ho’s structure stands looming in the corner. 

“Once a year, go to a place you’ve never been to.”

This quote greeted me as my Facebook feed popped up earlier today. I say AMEN. Our spirit of adventure and curiosity should spread beyond the aluminum encased gadgets we click away our lives to every day. Be bold, seek new things. Make travel budgets part of your savings, like how you set aside funds for rent and food. It will be worth it. 

Every now and then, I get this overwhelming feeling to clean and organize. Mostly files that has been set aside because of the lack of effort to put it in its proper place. I tend to start in my dad’s bedroom, where all our personal and important documents are located. Over the years, I’ve never added to that pile, save for the occasional appliance manual or registration receipt. But in the past 5 years that I’ve been cleaning it, it never fails to amaze me how much junk I manage to throw out. This time around, it’s a box full of trash. My mom used to maintain these papers and as a natural born obsessive-compulsive, she keeps EVERY SINGLE RECORD. Before, there were deposit slips dating back to our days in Jakarta (ABN AMRO, I see you). This time, I saw the ones that were from the 70s! Ancient is an understatement. 

Interesting finds of the day. 

1. Mom’s ID from the 70s.

2. Dad’s resignation letter from Nestle dating 1991.

3. Old letter from my lolas and my lola. Loved the one from my Lola Ana (dad’s mom) in the early 90s. Everyone makes fun of her and her self-pity. She said in the letter “please buy me a necklace because I am old, and we don’t know where God will take me soon.” That was 20 years ago. To this date, she still uses the same line. 

4. This one is a winner. Love letters from my dads old girlfriend during his teenage years - as in 1968. It was cheesy, complete with song lyrics. Good Lord. I keep on saying “Seriously???” in my head. Why did my mom keep it? I don’t know. Maybe to laugh when she’s bored. 

I did note how eloquent they were with English back then. To think they grew up in some barrio in the province, not in an exclusive school in Manila. 

5. Best find of the day. Old drawings and craft letter projects addressed to my parents. I think I was about 4-5 (I’m not going to admit I was any older, because I spelt Valentines as Valentmes :-D) and my mom still kept it. It was really touching and was teary eyed as I went through it. 

So, thats my day. How was yours? 

This 40-ish guy asked me about my gas consumption vs mileage in the casa earlier. I said I didn’t know and he said I should check the gauge in my dashboard cos it’s supposed to automatically detect it at any given time.

I said I didn’t know how to use it and he looked at me like I was stupid and said I should read the manual. 

I said I don’t even know how to fold the back seats. He said the manual would tell me that too. 

I said I would just get the mechanic to teach me. Then he shook his head. 

Then he said, “So, you just drive it huh, not knowing how to do things.”

My reply, “Um. Yeah.”

PS I’m not that dumb, apparently. His Montero is equipped with that detector device because he bought a high-end 3.2 Model. Ours is only the 2.5 Manual. So, there. 

THAT was certainly not in the manual. 

It’s the last day of my birthday month and this is the first time I had had the time and clarity to sit still in weeks. Too many (unproductive) activities cluttered my calendar for the past two months and I’m glad to be get back to work. 

The fourth decade just commenced and I intend to make it count. The twenties has been, in one word, slow. In a lot ways. I have to admit I had more action in my teens. I do like change and being in one place for a long time does not bode well for me. Maybe that’s why I made such a big deal with my birthday. To start with a bang. To rid of routine. So, I got a tattoo, shopped insanely and threw two big blowouts, like a rebel. And yes, quite expensive but my spending has not quite ended - (Ok, maybe not such a good way to start a decade). I want to travel, travel and travel. And I will. And I intend to make up for all these by working, working and closing deals. And making a lot more money. So, there it is. My motto for the next 10 years is.

Work, Make Money, Travel and Meet New People. 

And so far, I’m loving it. :-D

Let’s Rock and Roll. 

The first month of the year hasn’t ended and I’ve already been to two equally heartbreaking wakes. If this was my livejournal account, a very sad face will greet you at the end of the post. One involved the passing of a 7th month old baby who has been living in the hospital for 6 of the 7 months he lived; the other was an old neighbor who I see sporadically, and left four (4) young children orphans. 

The latter one affected me more because I’ve known their family since I was a kid. In my days in Pilar, our neighborhood was warm and vibrant and everyone were friends with one another. Reminds me of Wisteria Lane, sans the hot housewives. Children would fill the streets playing “Patintero” or “Taguan Base” every afternoon, our way of developing our athleticism. The same families lived in the street for years and when someone new arrives, they usually keep to themselves, afraid to integrate with a close-knit faction.

That did not hold true for the Estebans. They moved in the house next door when I was about 8 or 9 years old. They were gorgeous, mistizo family who seemed to have come from an affluent background. The perfect family in everyones eyes: Corporate dad, dentist mom and 3 (at that time) beautiful children who no doubt would grow up to be stunners (and they did). People assumed that they would be too snotty to assimilate. 

However, in just days, they warmed people in the neighborhood, especially our family as we became close friends. I used to literally climb over the “bakod” (fence) to go over their house to play with their incredibly energetic toddlers. Tita Chris also became our family dentist and was the first one to ever fool me into taking an injection in my gums. She said she wouldn’t do it; but I had to shut my eyes. Even after we moved to Jakarta, we would still go back to her for our dental checkup. 

They also became friends with our family friends, primarily because my Tita Rox moved into our house soon after we left. Over the years we kept in touch. Then, about 10 years ago, a horrible news that Tita Chris (who was probably 35 at that time) passed away suddenly due to aneurysm. The story of Tito Luke bawling non-stop in the hospital and during the burial broke my heart. What was even worse was that his children, the eldest at 15 and the youngest at 3, were too young to lose a parent. I just couldn’t imagine it happening to me that time. Up until now, I just don’t know how they survived it. 

Eventually, we lost touch but we would still hear stories about them from friends. Sometimes we see each other in malls and my mom would always make it a point to talk to Tito and ask about his children. He eventually retired and took up a less stressful consultancy job in order to look after his kids. He also never had another partner as he always believed that Tita Chris was the love of his life. But nevertheless, we still remained friends. I was surprised to see Tito Luke in moms wake 4 years ago but was grateful nonetheless. He sat and talked to me for a while and shared his own grief when Tita Chris passed. Watching him, it reminded me how lucky I was to experience that loss when I was already 25. His children were barely teenagers when their tragedy struck. 

It’s been a while since I heard from them again and this morning, I was really shaken with an early text message from my cousin saying that Tito Luke has passed. The first thought that came to my head was his children. Paolo, the eldest, is around 25. The same age I was when mom passed. And for him, it’s the age when he became an orphan and will be responsible for his younger siblings, one of which is only 13. What a responsibility to carry. This realization has been making me tear up all night, especially seeing the kids host the wake for their dad, knowing that it’s just them.

Suddenly, I’m just full of love and gratitude for what I have. Though my mom is gone, I still have a healthy, fun loving dad who cares for us, great brothers who look after each other and a throng of other family and friends who will always have my back. Honestly, love what you have and where you are because it can always be gone in a minute.

I’ve been ignoring Tumblr lately because there hasn’t been anything interesting enough to write about. Three days ago, I realized that I will be an official adult in three months. The kind who should raise children, or pay a mortgage. The kind that you can’t turn back from. 

A year ago, I’ve been dreading this. There’s just a lot more expectations at this age and I would like people to leave me alone. I’m happy. That’s what matters. Second-guessing myself every now and then has nothing to do with what I think of myself. People’s perceptions often blur my self-confidence and I constantly have to stop and shake it off. 

Now, I’m excited. Because I realized that there’s nothing to fear and so many to be grateful for. My family, my friends, my work, and the list just goes on and on. Besides, 30 is a reason to celebrate. Have you seen Hollywood lately? 30 is the new teens! This newfound passion led me to make plans for a big birthday 3-0 celebration and it’s going to be phenomenal. I really can’t wait. I’m working on it and I’m praying to God that everything goes smoothly.